Sunday, March 14, 2010

It's not easy being Cheesy

Adjusting to life as a SAHM has been....well interesting. I have spent half the year I am taking off from work confused and stuck. Certainly I don't mean to suggest that I am not confused or unstuck right now but I am a bit better. It has taken me a very long time to get used to the idea that I don't have to support my family, or at the very least I don't have to be the main support. The money I get from unemployment keeps me from feeling like a total bum and I suppose I will feel differently when that stops coming. My house is in shambles. It looks like a place that a depressed person lives or exists. Yet I am not depressed, just stuck. But...everyday and I mean every hour of every day my house is filled with the laughter, screams of joy, and the questions of the most amazing child. I am in love with my child. She is smart, beautiful, and so agonizingly funny that everyday I am awed. My journey as a mother started so suddenly, and against my will, then accelerated into a panicky race for survival, and now, just now, it has settled into a joyful adventure. She will leave me in a few months, off to her own adventures and life, but for now she is mine. and this is my life. and I love it.