Monday, May 09, 2005

Me and my big mouth

Okay so last post I was lamenting the fact that my life sucked and how could it get worse. What was I thinking? I know how karma works and how intent creates action. I like to consider myself a fairly intellectual human being. Yet, I opened my mouth and asked for more stress. It reminds me of nursing. You know when you are having a great day, not much happening and then some silly person opens their mouth and mentions the q word. (for people who are not nurses the q word is oh geesh I can't even type it I'm so superstitious but it means silent) Anyway, Friday, we are waiting to hear about Tim's dad, who ended up having a 8.5 hour surgery, when the angel babe started fussing. Not her usual "I'm tired, hungry, bored" fussing but really fussing. I could tell she was in pain but I wasn't sure what was wrong. She was drawing her little legs up and pooting so I thought she must be having gas. I gave her gas drops and she cried herself to sleep on my shoulder. Now this is very unusual because she is mostly sunny unless she is wet, dirty, cold, hungry or bored. After she woke up she was wet I went to change her and to my horror she had a big angry red lump in her groin. Of course she howled when I touched it. I was immediately hysterical. I knew what it was. An inguinal hernia. An incarerated hernia. So I'm screaming and the babe is screaming. I put in an emergency call to the pediatrician who had to be paged and started packing the diaper bag. I should say Tim started packing because I was running around with the angel babe crying and generally being hysterical. The pediatrician that called back tried to get me to reduce it which resulted in more crying on the angel babes part and increased hysteria on mine. Tim really needed to stay by the phone in case something bad happed to his dad and he was needed to drive his mom to the hospital so my very best buddy in the whole world who I cannot ever repay for all of her kindness drove me and the angel babe to the emergency room. Of course by the time we got there the hernia had reduced itself but it left her ovary outside which one silly pediatric surgeon tried to say was a swollen lymph gland. Thank God the attending surgeon knew immediately what it was. I guess I shouldn't be so hard on the resident surgeon. The incidence of inguinal hernias are extremely low in little baby girls. However, strangely enough, I had bilateral inguinal hernia repair at 14 weeks old. I also had an ovary that slipped outside. The end result is that the angel babe will have surgery on Tuesday. On top of everything that is going on, my precious angel babe will be operated on. I have no doubt that she will be just fine. But this has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Enough is enough. I do have a whole other post to reflect on past lives and why we incarnate with this weekness in an area where mostly baby boys are weak. More on that later. So tonight I am going to finish with this intent. This move, Tim's dad's recovery, my angel babe's surgery and recovery are going to be easy. Life will be smooth, gentle, kind and loving. I refuse to accept any less than that. I love you all, Yvette

*note to all, just because you are a nurse does not make you automatically good at dealing with medical situations that involve people that you are close to. Sometimes hysteria rules. :)

I'm shutting up now.

Friday, May 06, 2005


Could life get more complicated? We are in the middle of the move and Tim's dad, Randy, is seriously ill. And we are SOOOOO broke. Sometimes I thing we cannot possible ever dig our way out of this financial disaster that started with the surprise birth of the angel babe. I feel like I am being squashed with the weight of all this, kinda the same feeling I get when I tour a cave. I can feel the weight of the earth on me and it creeps me out, never liked them cave tours. Angel babe is sleeping well and its freaking me out. I know it is the inconsistencies in her routine but there is not anything I can do to fix that right now. Life will not be okay until we make the move and are in our house with everything hooked up. Wow I just reread what I wrote and noticed I wrote angel babe is sleeping well but I meant she is NOT sleeping well. I think I may be having an official nervous breakdown. I don't think I am equipped to do all this stuff at once. Since the birth I haven't been able to do anything at all except take care of Bella. Sometimes I don't do too hot a job at that either. Tim has a bad tooth that he simply won't take care of and his stomach is hurting him. I know it is his reflective sign and his nerves and his reaction to stress. Even the cats are edgy, wandering around, getting into stuff they normally don't bother. All of us are smelling rain in the air and feel the storm coming. Oh yeah, the gray cat is sick. See, could this get any more complicated? Everyone is very cranky. I'm tired and I'm bleeding. I love you all, Yvette