I'm Baaaaaack!!!!

Well here I am again. I could go into the gory details of the last couple of months but just suffice to say that we are finally moved, things have returned to normal, and I am exhausted. Take this morning for example. The angel babe has her first tooth peeking thru her gums. This is such a big milestone in the journey of life. I am totally excited for her. However, it made for a night from hell. She slept restlessly in the bed with me, up about every 1/2 hour or so. She is running a low grade fever and is just very grumpy. I got absolutely no sleep last night and no sympathy from her dad this morning. (he slept on the couch) I called in sick to work and felt terrible about sending her off to Grandma's, like I would have if I was getting up and going to work for 12 hours. Did I get any support for my decision? No, none, nada. Just a silent feeling that I am a bad mom for not taking care of my own child. Tim being a reflective sign probably was reflecting my own disapproval and guilt feeling back to me. However, I would love to just once hear him say to me that he understands the pressures I am under and that staying home to sleep in peace was something I need to do. Why can't he say that? Why can't he make me feel like I'm not a bad person for taking a morning for myself? Why do I need him to validate me? Why do I even expect him to care? What is it in me that requires his approval constantly? I am sure it deeply rooted in my childhood struggle to gain my father's approval. I never felt good enough and I guess I still don't. This has shaped every thought I have had for 35 years. It has driven me to make the wrong choices in men, in jobs and to constantly second guess myself. I had asked the universe to give me a day off to rest and instead of taking it I created a atmosphere of guilt and shame. How can I stop doing this? Does anyone have any answers? Sometimes I feel like running away. My mother has aways said that when you run away you take yourself. So that won't work. Because whereever I end up, I will still be there and I will still be feeling not good enough. How do I heal this? I have no answers this morning, only questions. But I am back and I am back to stay. So it's just me, as I am, no other way to be. I love you all Yvette